Careless Hearts.

Inhale, exhale, Just breathe in deep. Like i say, in deed will be the one to resuscitate you? You're good as gone.

Procrastination.

Has your heart ever felt what its like to love, kid? Have you ever been stuck in a situation between? Do you know what it's like to have no idea where you begin, Or how it ends. There is a forever of which we know but do not consume. There is a freedom that we want but never prepare. There is a face that holds dignity, Which you pass-by. To have a great need, But cannot tell wrong, from right. Does your heart ever beat too fast, Or too slow? Some days life is like an abstract painting. It's only ever good if you sell it.

You are alive.

Theres a specail way you make me feel.
You're everything;
Let me go.

These broken wings.

Your happy from your damage,
You love your satisfaction,
Im immune to your hurt.
Go ahead and break me apart.
I hate you, And your bitter twisted mind.
It's quite clear heaven has already rejected you.
And hell won't take you.
You're soon going to find you're alone in this world.
Because you made everything all about you.

Embrace yourself for this sweet, Sweet love.

my thoughts are descending ,
while i stand there screaming ,
everyone can understand what
im feeling as the breeze lays cold
against the trees. the angels watch
below me as if they can see right
through me; it's a hard world of
activity. i gaze into the darkness
and feel the bare light of the person
i used to be. now ive changed,
everything is broken. they stare
while i walk on cold ice, because
ive done it all alone.
not being able
to explain what im thinking, no
matter where i look its all the same.
then i kept proceeding in order to
get out; and it got me further than
i started. my beauty is hatred flowing
beneath my blood, and for the split
second everything stops, im afraid
of being okay. they come searching
for this girl, so i stay hidden, and
quiet. i assumed they knew who i
am now, they didnt stop until
they drove me insane.

Trust You.

out of all the things i do, i feel growing up. the feeling ive felt so many times. i dont know why ive only comitted myself too this love. ive been sleeping so little these days. since ive been feeling your darkness, i realized im not so bright anymore. i turned on my phone and realized theres nothing there from you. is this the end to your victory? im stranded on this world all by my self. a little child of god, forced too grow up too quickly. scared of the big view around her. with no easy way out, how do i trust you?

You are the most beautiful.

perfection is a beautiful lie,

conected up with-in the soul beneath the heart,

tied up with hidden talents.

you musn't corrupt the happiness, in the world.

eveen if that means, dying.

there isnt any crying.

in this perfect world of ours.

you cant show your hurt.

you musnt show, feel, or give any pain.

but for you must love.

love a passionate love.

a real love.

it's easier than silence.

but sometimes we would rather wish for something we had,

than what we have.

but its harder,

harder than you think.

After All

You hurt me like a motherfucker, but life is too good to waste. so im atleast going to pretend im okay. i dont get it anymore. tbh i just really need to get my head straight. im done with waiting, waiting for awnsers, for replys, for you to just fucking say something. your so confusing why were we wasting out time? im glad you can controll how you feel but really i cant. take a breathe. . i hope you aint waiting. this time im playing like you are. if you want to talk to me talk. but im sick and tired of being the only one in this. did i care too much? i care about you alot, but it really comes down to how much you care ai. i'll soon find out. lets see how long you drag this out for. im not going too let you stand in my way. ive waited almost a year. for what? jackshit really. i thought maybe i stood a chance in having you. i belived if you wanted something really bad you would get it. i really did. till i lost you for good. atleast it feels like it. the only bit of hope i had left, you took it away from me. and now you dont even have anything too say. wont even talk to me. sadguy.

I Cant Stand To See It

i was laying in bed, thinking about how much i miss about being young, being in primary, being with my real friends, being with people who cared about me, i miss the whole class being tight ass mother fuckers. i really do. the days where there were mini earthquakes, and tornadoes, when it snowed and it was like heaven on earth, & everyone making fun of my laugh. it was when no one took anything seriously, and love only lasted a day. and you could let go really easily.

i miss staring at a stupid book instead of silent reading.
i miss playing dodgeball for hours.
i miss sitting on the sofa.
i miss walking home with Jesse on fridays.
i miss collecting housepoints with Rikki.
i miss texting behind the hall with Breenna.
i miss everyone calling Lucretia a slut.
i miss Keana telling me street stories.
i miss laughing with Justis and getting moved.
i miss parent interviews, they were the best.
i miss that old hag Mrs Sweeney.
i miss the little kids who chased me and Alisha all lunch time.
i miss doing crosscountry with Lucky.
i miss linking arms with everyone and walking around the school.
i miss downloading Icy-Tower and playing it on the computer.
i miss Troy lending me pencils.
i miss Michael chasing us with sticks.
i miss S.F.L ;
i miss everyone being jelious of me and Alisha.
i miss mat time.
i miss Netball with Mrs Ashby, & I miss training.
i miss going to the library afterschool.
i miss good old Mrs Smith.
i miss how everyone used to be nice.
i miss the house days.
i miss being Totara team leader.
i miss the funny school photos,
i miss being silly.
i miss school camps.
i miss being stupid and crazy.
i miss singing with James.
i miss having so many friends.
i miss having a go at Callum.
i miss my cute little wee Joshie.
i miss Jordan, he was really nice.
i miss the subway lunches we shared,
i miss absolutely everything.

anyone whos read this;
im sorry if you found it boring, but thats what i miss. alot of people meant heaps to me, i lost alot of people when i got to highschool, i had no one. sometimes its hard. sometimes its easy.
i just wish i still had all those people in my life, not just in my memories. i love yous, like fuck. x

Barbie Melted Her Plastic Heart.

i start to smile cos'
everything is okay.
you can decide shit,
but you cant do anything when,
it changes.
but too be honest,
i like change.
i never thought id even get back,
me back,
you back.
like i dont have to fake it anymore.
papermache' and barbie dolls,
pretending to-be,
and everything fake.
something you cant be.
but you just dont stop trying.
even if i cant have you,
you are the best part of me.
maybe thats why i get excited,
and my mood changes so much,
maybe its because,
i cant choose how i feel,
did you ever think,
i dont want to?
ive been waiting so long,
but i still reckon its worth it.
sometime i dont,
i really do want to back out.
but i just cant?
i know.
you wont hurt me.
but its just a million dollar question;
isnt it?
you give my body,
such a rush.
so many butterflies,
and make me smile,
countless smiles.
i still want to know why.
then again.
it gets kinda exciting,
when things JUST happen,
like the old days when,
we let it happen.
like these days when.
im still wondering,
whats gonna happen.
im not going anywhere.
i love you.

Substantial Truth.

Theres this thing they say,
About first-time gamblers.
If you win,
Your hooked for life.
It's the same when you do something stupid,
And get away with it.

Even people who don't fit in,
Can team up in unexpected ways. x