I Cant Stand To See It

i was laying in bed, thinking about how much i miss about being young, being in primary, being with my real friends, being with people who cared about me, i miss the whole class being tight ass mother fuckers. i really do. the days where there were mini earthquakes, and tornadoes, when it snowed and it was like heaven on earth, & everyone making fun of my laugh. it was when no one took anything seriously, and love only lasted a day. and you could let go really easily.

i miss staring at a stupid book instead of silent reading.
i miss playing dodgeball for hours.
i miss sitting on the sofa.
i miss walking home with Jesse on fridays.
i miss collecting housepoints with Rikki.
i miss texting behind the hall with Breenna.
i miss everyone calling Lucretia a slut.
i miss Keana telling me street stories.
i miss laughing with Justis and getting moved.
i miss parent interviews, they were the best.
i miss that old hag Mrs Sweeney.
i miss the little kids who chased me and Alisha all lunch time.
i miss doing crosscountry with Lucky.
i miss linking arms with everyone and walking around the school.
i miss downloading Icy-Tower and playing it on the computer.
i miss Troy lending me pencils.
i miss Michael chasing us with sticks.
i miss S.F.L ;
i miss everyone being jelious of me and Alisha.
i miss mat time.
i miss Netball with Mrs Ashby, & I miss training.
i miss going to the library afterschool.
i miss good old Mrs Smith.
i miss how everyone used to be nice.
i miss the house days.
i miss being Totara team leader.
i miss the funny school photos,
i miss being silly.
i miss school camps.
i miss being stupid and crazy.
i miss singing with James.
i miss having so many friends.
i miss having a go at Callum.
i miss my cute little wee Joshie.
i miss Jordan, he was really nice.
i miss the subway lunches we shared,
i miss absolutely everything.

anyone whos read this;
im sorry if you found it boring, but thats what i miss. alot of people meant heaps to me, i lost alot of people when i got to highschool, i had no one. sometimes its hard. sometimes its easy.
i just wish i still had all those people in my life, not just in my memories. i love yous, like fuck. x

Barbie Melted Her Plastic Heart.

i start to smile cos'
everything is okay.
you can decide shit,
but you cant do anything when,
it changes.
but too be honest,
i like change.
i never thought id even get back,
me back,
you back.
like i dont have to fake it anymore.
papermache' and barbie dolls,
pretending to-be,
and everything fake.
something you cant be.
but you just dont stop trying.
even if i cant have you,
you are the best part of me.
maybe thats why i get excited,
and my mood changes so much,
maybe its because,
i cant choose how i feel,
did you ever think,
i dont want to?
ive been waiting so long,
but i still reckon its worth it.
sometime i dont,
i really do want to back out.
but i just cant?
i know.
you wont hurt me.
but its just a million dollar question;
isnt it?
you give my body,
such a rush.
so many butterflies,
and make me smile,
countless smiles.
i still want to know why.
then again.
it gets kinda exciting,
when things JUST happen,
like the old days when,
we let it happen.
like these days when.
im still wondering,
whats gonna happen.
im not going anywhere.
i love you.

Substantial Truth.

Theres this thing they say,
About first-time gamblers.
If you win,
Your hooked for life.
It's the same when you do something stupid,
And get away with it.

Even people who don't fit in,
Can team up in unexpected ways. x